


Raiders of the Deep Caverns

by Elizabeth Culmer (edenfalling)



Series: Alternian Nights [5]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Action/Adventure, Archaeology, Brooding Caverns, Caves, Conversations, Exploration, Female Friendship, Friendship, Gen, Ladystuck 2013, Pesterlog, Worldbuilding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-07
Updated: 2014-01-07
Packaged: 2018-01-07 20:29:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,329
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1124049
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/edenfalling/pseuds/Elizabeth%20Culmer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Wherein Aradia Megido, intrepid explorer and amateur archaeologist, discovers an abandoned brooding cavern complex and invites her hatefriends Terezi Pyrope and Vriska Serket to assist in the exploration of its wild and dangerous depths.  Featuring six pesterlogs, three dialogue-only passages, four third-person limited POV sections, a brief beach interlude, a tenuous framing device, and worldbuilding that flies right over the various protagonists' heads and horns.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Raiders of the Deep Caverns

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lyricalIcarus](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lyricalIcarus/gifts).



> In response to the following prompt: _Scourge Sisters! I wonder about their friendship with Aradia because they are all badasses._
> 
> They are indeed badasses, and also way too much fun to write. :-)

**Batman Cold Open**

A compact figure -- gray-skinned, black-clad, topped with magnificent curling horns -- races along a mountain path, tangled hair streaming behind her. Ominous sounds of pursuit grow ever louder and closer despite her speed. She half-turns as the path widens, waves a hand and sends a stray boulder flying through the air in a cascade of rust-red light. This provokes a screech of pain and a clatter amongst the loose pebbles as her unseen hunter quickens its pace.

She races onward, feet barely skimming the ground now, but reluctant to admit defeat and take fully to the air. (Or perhaps wise; the avian predators of the Alternian mountains rarely welcome intruders in their skies.) The beast behind her pounds into view: sinuous, fur-mantled over its reptilian frame, cloven-hoofed, needle-fanged, paws armed with vicious claws, eyes rolling in territorial rage beneath its sweeping, many-branched horns.

The troll hurls herself around a bend in the path and stops abruptly, windmilling her arms for balance as she teeters over a sheer drop. Water roars between stone walls far beneath, thunders over a cataract, vanishes under the earth. Stunted trees jut precariously from the cliff, blue limbs and purple leaves twisting upward toward the open sky.

She looks down. She looks over her shoulder. She lets her whip drop into her hand.

As the beast lunges, claws spread wide to hook and tear, she takes one step back, over the edge.

The whip snaps, curls around a hapless tree. Her shoulders scream at the sudden shock of her full weight. She swings, twists, bounces along the cliff, the cold laws of physics working out her momentum against unforgiving stone. The beast shrieks as it tumbles to its doom.

She looks down, makes a grasping gesture, but her telekinetic lunge is misaimed. The beast hits the water with a resounding crack and splash. The falls sweep it out of sight, into the bowels of the earth.

"Dammit," Aradia Megido says to no one in particular. "I really wanted that skull."

She eyes the waterfall thoughtfully. Water underground means caves. Caves don't necessarily mean air. But nothing ventured, nothing gained -- and who knows what secrets she may find, hidden for countless sweeps?

She takes a deep breath and lets herself fall.

\---------------------------------------------  
\---------------------------------------------  
\---------------------------------------------

**Three Conversations, I**

\-- apocalypseArisen [AA] began trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC] \--

AA: hey terezi  
AA: h0w g0es the punishment 0f evild0ers   
GC: 1T GO3S 3XC3LL3NTLY 1F 1 DO S4Y SO MYS3LF  
GC: HOW GO3S TH3 3XPLOR4T1ON, 3XC4V4T1ON, 4ND D3S3CR4T1ON OF 4NC13NT RU1NS?   
AA: interestingly  
AA: which is actually what i wanted t0 talk t0 y0u ab0ut  
AA: i f0und a cave system that i think might have been an 0ld br00ding cavern c0mplex with all the trial chambers and everything   
GC: OOOH  
GC: 1 D1DNT KNOW THOS3 3V3R W3NT OUT OF US3  
GC: TH3 3MP1R3 4LW4YS N33DS MOR3 SOLD13RS, NOT L3SS   
AA: yeah its weird  
AA: its als0 super super 0ld  
AA: like fr0m the earliest nights 0f space travel 0ld  
AA: which i can tell because 0f carb0n dating the b0nes and stuff s0 thanks again f0r giving me the credits t0 buy that equipment and sch00lfeeding m0dule   
GC: 1TS NOT L1K3 1 COULDNT 4FFORD 1T >:]  
GC: BUT YOU WOULDNT N33D TO 4SK FOR H3LP 1F YOU TOOK FL4RP 4 L1TTL3 MOR3 S3R1OUSLY   
AA: its m0r3 interesting to play with0ut the 0pti0n 0f lethal f0rce  
AA: besides tavr0s likes the st0rytelling aspects better than the vi0lence   
GC: SO F1ND 4 B4CKUP P4RTN3R, DUH  
GC: 1D B3 W1LL1NG TO PL4Y ON YOUR S1D3 SOM3T1M3S  
GC: VR1SK4S B33N G3TT1NG 4LL FL1RTY W31RD W1TH TH4T OBNOX1OUS S34DW3LL3R WHOS 4LW4YS H4NG1NG 4ROUND F3F3R1, YOU KNOW, TH3 ON3 L1K3 4N 1ND1GN4NT PUFF3RF1SH   
AA: eridan amp0ra   
GC: Y34H H1M  
GC: W3 COULD L3T TH3M GO PL4Y W1Z4RD P1R4T3S FOR 4 WH1L3 4ND COLL3CT 4 R41NY N1GHT FUND FOR YOU  
GC: WH4T DO YOU S4Y?   
AA: hmm  
AA: maybe   
GC: M4YB3 M4YB3 M4YBE  
GC: 1TS NOT 4 H4RD QU3ST1ON!  
GC: Y3S OR NO, 1 WONT TH1NK L3SS OF YOU 31TH3R W4Y   
AA: it w0uld be nice t0 have s0me extra credits fl0ating ar0und  
AA: especially since i had t0 aband0n my radi0carb0n analyzer and im n0t sure what the trial beasts might have d0ne t0 it by n0w  
AA: and i d0 enj0y playing with y0u  
AA: but i d0nt want the kind 0f reputati0n y0u and vriska have  
AA: i like being underestimated  
AA: and pe0ple get funny ab0ut rustbl00ds if we get ideas ab0ve 0ur stati0ns   
GC: TH4TS ONLY B3C4US3 TH3Y 4R3 DUMB4SS3S   
AA: true  
AA: but pe0ple d0nt st0p existing just because theyre dumb  
AA: unless they cr0ss y0ur path 0f c0urse   
GC: UNL3SS TH3Y CROSS MY  
GC: H3H  
GC: YOU B34T M3 TO TH3 PUNCH!   
AA: im awes0me like that   
GC: >:]   
AA: but getting back t0 the t0pic  
AA: i have a pr0p0sal 0f my 0wn f0r y0u and vriska  
AA: ab0ut th0se aband0ned caverns   
GC: Y34H?   
AA: theyd make an amazing setting f0r a series 0f flarp campaigns  
AA: there are chasms and undergr0und waterfalls and bl0cked passages and 0ld mechanical traps and the wild mutant descendants 0f the trial beasts  
AA: s0 the cl0uders w0uld have half their w0rk already d0ne f0r them  
AA: and think 0f the st0ries we c0uld spin ab0ut what led t0 the destructi0n and aband0nment 0f such an imp0rtant and sacred space   
GC: HMM  
GC: OK 1M 1N, YOUV3 CONV1NC3D M3  
GC: NOT TH4T 1 W4S 3V3R GO1NG TO B3 4 H4RD S3LL   
AA: sweet  
AA: n0w help me figure 0ut h0w t0 c0nvince vriska we cant charge in with0ut d0ing th0r0ugh rec0nnaissance  
AA: shell fall in l0ve the minute she sees the place and want t0 spend h0urs hunting f0r treasure with0ut the time limits 0f a game 0r having t0 pay attenti0n t0 tavr0s  
AA: but shell kick and scream every step 0f the way until then just because the sc0uting expediti0n is my idea and n0t hers   
GC: GRO4N  
GC: R1GHT, L34V3 H3R TO M3  
GC: S3ND M3 4 M4P OF TH3 C4V3 3NTR4NC3 4ND 1LL H4V3 H3R TH3R3 WH3N3V3R YOU W4NT   
AA: heres the map

\-- apocalypseArisen [AA] is sending file "mysteri0us caverns 0f mystery.jpg" --

AA: lets meet at the entrance marked in red t0m0rr0w 0ne h0ur past sunset  
AA: bring f00d and water and a flashlight and s0me g00d climbing gear  
AA: als0 a t0wel  
AA: i did menti0n the undergr0und rivers right   
GC: YOU D1D, 4ND 1 C4NT W41T TO S33 TH3M  
GC: OH H3Y  
GC: WHY D1D YOU S4Y VR1SK4 WONT H4V3 TO P4Y 4TT3NT1ON TO T4VROS?  
GC: SH3 M4Y COMPL41N L1K3 4 WH1NY GRUB 4BOUT 4LW4YS B31NG H1S CLOUD3R BUT TH4TS ONLY FOR SHOW  
GC: YOU KNOW SH3 H4S 4 FLUSHCRUSH ON H1M   
AA: i think every0ne 0n the planet kn0ws that  
AA: and i d0nt appr0ve at all  
AA: she means well but shes n0 g00d f0r him   
GC: SH3 JUST W4NTS TO H3LP H1M G3T STRONG3R 4ND ST4ND UP FOR H1MS3LF MOR3, WH4TS WRONG W1TH TH4T?   
AA: she d0esnt want t0 make tavr0s m0re c0nfident  
AA: she wants t0 make him int0 a different pers0n  
AA: her idea 0f c0nfidence inv0lves tavr0s being badass and standing up t0 her but still d0ing everything she wants  
AA: which makes n0 sense at all  
AA: but aside fr0m all that theres a big fiduspawn t0urnament starting tw0 nights fr0m n0w  
AA: hes t00 busy t0 c0me expl0ring until after its 0ver and i d0nt want t0 wait that l0ng   
GC: 1 S33  
GC: 4R3 YOU GO1NG TO TH1S TOURN4M3NT?   
AA: that depends 0n h0w l0st we get in the caverns d0esnt it  
AA: we c0uld be d0wn there f0r perigees if were n0t careful   
GC: SO MORB1D! 1D 4LMOST TH1NK YOU W4NT3D US TO G3T LOST 4ND ST4RV3 TO D34TH WH3R3 NO ON3 W1LL 3V3R F1ND OUR BON3S! >:]   
AA: 0_0  
AA: such baseless accusati0ns  
AA: id never try t0 deprive the w0rld and future archae0l0gists 0f the 0pp0rtunity t0 study such a w0nderful tri0 0f skelet0ns  
AA: that was a j0ke by the way   
GC: 1 KNOW  
GC: YOU N33D B3TT3R PUNCTU4T1ON 4ND 3MOT1CONS  
GC: BUT B4CK ON TOP1C!  
GC: 1LL F1ND 4 W4Y TO M4K3 VR1SK4 TH1NK 1TS H3R OWN 1D34 TO K33P T4VROS OUT OF OUR 3XP3D1T1ON4RY P4RTY  
GC: OR 4T L34ST TH1NK UP 4 COOL3R 3XCUS3 TH4N F1DUSP4WN   
AA: thanks terezi  
AA: see y0u s00n

\-- apocalypseArisen [AA] ceased trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC] \--

\---------------

\-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling arachnidsGrip [AG] \--

GC: 4TT3NT1ON C4PT41N M1NDF4NG!  
GC: 1, YOUR T3MPOR4R1LY LOY4L L13UT3N4NT R3DGL4R3, H4V3 COM3 1NTO POSS3SS1ON OF 4 MOST T3MPT1NG 4ND T4NT4L1Z1NG TR34SUR3 M4P  
GC: WH4T W1LL YOU OFF3R M3 TO H4ND 1T OV3R 1NST34D OF D3CL4R1NG MUT1NY 4ND G33T1NG R1CH W1THOUT YOU?   
AG: Well hello to you too, Terezi.  
AG: We're not planning any Flarp campaigns tonight. What's this really a8out?   
GC: 1 THOUGHT 1D B3 N1C3 4ND ROL3PL4Y 1N 4LL S1NC3R1TY FOR ONC3  
GC: BUT 1F YOUR3 NOT 1N TH3 MOOD, YOUR3 NOT 1N TH3 MOOD   
AG: Stop trying to put me off 8alance. It's too early in the night for mindgames, not to mention I'm totally on to you!  
AG: :::;)  
AG: So come on, what's this really a8out?   
GC: L1K3 1 S41D, 4 TR34SUR3 M4P!  
GC: >:]   
AG: That's it. If you can't 8e serious, I'm 8locking you.   
GC: WH4T3V3R  
GC: 4R4D14 4ND 1 W1LL JUST 3XPLOR3 TH3 4B4NDON3D BROOD1NG C4V3RNS ON OUR OWN  
GC: 1F YOU DONT W4NT TO S33 WH4T TH3 J4D3BLOODS M1GHT H4V3 L3FT B3H1ND WH3N TH3Y FL3D OR WH4T OTH3R P3OPL3 M1GHT H4V3 H1DD3N TH3R3 DUR1NG TH3 1NT3RV3N1NG SW33PS, TH4TS YOUR CHO1C3  
GC: W3LL T4LK 4G41N TH3 N1GHT 4FT3R TOMORROW  
GC: UNT1L TH3N 1LL B3 BUSY TR34SUR3 HUNT1NG   
AG: You will not.   
GC: W1LL SO   
AG: Will not!   
GC: W1LL SO   
AG: You will n8t, you lying liar who lies!!!!!!!!  
AG: Not without me, at least.  
AG: Now tell me all a8out this map.  
AG: ::::)   
GC: >:]

\-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] is sending file "MYST3R1OUS C4V3RNS OF MYST3RY.jpg" --

GC: 4R4D14 1NV1T3D US TO H3LP H3R T4K3 4 LOOK 4ROUND 4ND S33 WH4T W3 C4N F1ND  
GC: 1M M33T1NG H3R 4T TH3 R3D X TOMORROW 4N HOUR 4FT3R SUNS3T  
GC: 1T W1LL B3 4N 4DV3NTUR3 FOR TH3 4G3S!  
GC: 4R3 YOU COM1NG W1TH US OR NOT?   
AG: I don't know.  
AG: May8e I will, may8e I won't.  
AG: Aradia's our h8friend and all, 8ut man, she gets on my nerves!  
AG: And she'll spend the whole night trying to make me 8ack off of Tavros.  
AG: She's such a pain a8out that lately. Seriously, what's her deal? Is she the only person in the universe who's allowed to 8e his friend and try to help him out?   
GC: WHY DO YOU TH1NK 1 KNOW, DO 1 LOOK L1K3 4 M1ND R34D3R TO YOU?   
AG: If anyone's a mind reader around here, it's me!  
AG: I am the 8est at discovering secrets and manipul8ing the idiots who think they can hide things from me.   
GC: 1 WOULD N3V3R 4RGU3 W1TH YOU 4BOUT TH4T   
AG: Damn right. :::;)  
AG: 8ut getting 8ack to your little treasure scenario, I don't know if I want to spend a whole night with Tavros showing his 8elly like a little lost 8ark8east and Aradia glaring at me every time I talk to him.  
AG: Ancient jade8lood secrets do sound tempting, though.  
AG: It's a hard choice!   
GC: NOT TH4T H4RD   
AG: Yes it is. I just told you why it is.   
GC: YOUR CONCLUS1ON 1S B4S3D ON 4N 3RRON3OUS 4SSUMPT1ON!  
GC: T4VROS W1LL NOT B3 P4RT OF TH3 EXP3D1T1ON4RY P4RTY   
AG: ...  
AG: ...  
AG: I don't 8elieve you, and you're trying to pull wool8east fur over my eyes.   
GC: S1GH  
GC: NO 1M NOT, YOUR3 JUST P4R4NO1D  
GC: 4R4D14 4LSO W4NTS TO US3 TH3 C4V3RNS 4S TH3 S3TT1NG FOR SOM3 N3W FL4RP C4MP4IGNS  
GC: 4S 4 CLOUD3R, YOU H4V3 TO KNOW TH3 T3RR41N 4ND TH3 N4TUR4L OBST4CL3S  
GC: SO DO3S SH3  
GC: T4VROS DO3SNT, SO H3 WONT B3 JO1N1NG US   
AG: It *would* 8e fun to surprise him, wouldn't it?  
AG: 8ut hang on, that doesn't explain why you're coming along, or why Aradia invited you first. If you know the terrain and Tavros doesn't, that gives us a huuuuuuuuge advantage over Team Charge!   
GC: 4R3 YOU COMPL41N1NG?   
AG: No!  
AG: I'm just saying it doesn't make sense, and that means a sinister plot must 8e involved.   
GC: OK, Y34H, YOU C4UGHT M3  
GC: 1TS 4 T3RR1BL3 4ND 3V1L PLOT C4LLED, L3TS M4K3 VR1SK4 H4V3 FUN DO1NG CR4ZY D4NG3ROUS STUFF L1K3 W3 US3D TO  
GC: YOU KNOW T4VROS WOULD ONLY SLOW US DOWN  
GC: 1M SUR3 YOULL 3NCOUR4G3 H1M TO 1MPROVE ON3 OF TH3S3 N1GHTS, BUT R1GHT NOW H3S NOT 4T OUR L3V3L 4ND WE 4LL KNOW 1T  
GC: I W4NT TO DO SOM3TH1NG EXC1T1NG W1THOUT H4V1NG TO WORRY 4BOUT SOM3ON3 NOT B31NG 4BL3 TO K33P UP  
GC: SO? WH4T DO YOU S4Y?   
AG: He could keep up if he'd just stop thinking he can't.   
GC: OBJ3CT1ON, 1RR3L3V4NT!  
GC: H3S NOT GO1NG TO CH4NG3 H1S M1ND B3TW33N NOW 4ND N3XT SUNS3T   
AG: You never know!!!!!!!!  
AG: 8ut I do kind of miss when you and I were still exploring your forest and all the canyons around my hive. Those were fun nights.  
AG: And Aradia can definitely keep up with us.  
AG: Soooooooo...   
GC: SOOOOOOOO?   
AG: I'll 8e there.  
AG: Want me to 8ring you a spare set of rocket8oots?   
GC: Y34H TH4NKS  
GC: S33 YOU TH3R3   
AG: Not if I see you first. :::;)

\-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] ceased trolling arachnidsGrip [AG] \--

\---------------

\-- arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling apocalypseArisen [AA] \--

AG: Hello Aradia!  
AG: Terezi passed on your invit8ion, and I'll 8e at your little red X mark right after sunset.  
AG: Last one into the caverns is a loser!   
AA: it d0esnt matter wh0 gets in first  
AA: what matters is wh0 c0mes back 0ut   
AG: And with how much loot, am I right? Of course I'm right.  
AG: This is going to 8e awesome.   
AA: yes  
AA: yes it is   
AG: Oh, and Team Charge is going doooooooown next campaign!   
AA: what   
AG: You think Terezi won't take advantage of knowing all the ins and outs of the caves when Tavros won't know which way is up and gets spooked at every little sound?  
AG: Ahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!  
AG: Sucker.   
AA: 0_0  
AA: whatever vriska  
AA: d0nt f0rget t0 bring a flashlight  
AA: and y0ur r0cketb00ts  
AA: i may n0t always be nearby t0 catch y0u if y0u fall   
AG: Is that a threat?   
AA: n0  
AA: just a piece 0f advice fr0m 0ne adventurer t0 an0ther  
AA: 0h als0 bring a t0wel   
AG: What?   
AA: there are undergr0und rivers  
AA: we might fall in   
AG: Fall in? 8oring!  
AG: I'd rather go swimming on purpose. Are there underground 8eaches? What kind of water8easts live down there?   
AA: i d0nt kn0w  
AA: i didnt get very far in yesternight  
AA: lets find 0ut   
AG: You're on.

\-- arachnidsGrip [AG] ceased trolling apocalypseArisen [AA] \--

\---------------------------------------------  
\---------------------------------------------  
\---------------------------------------------

**X Marks the Spot**

Even though she set out an hour before sunset reached her hive, Vriska is the last to arrive at the caverns. That's just typical; the whole world is against her some nights. At least she can be sure Terezi and Aradia aren't conspiring behind her back. Terezi's her partner, and Aradia cares too much about fair play to not give some kind of warning before an attack.

She swoops dramatically out of the setting sun -- because how cool is it that she has a suncloak now, thanks to her trial campaigns with Eridan? -- and lands with a neat click of her heels to turn her rocketboots off. Terezi and Aradia are waiting in the shadow of an overhang, pink moonlight gleaming faintly off the angles of their hands and faces.

"Ahoy, fellow intrepid explorers!" Vriska shouts.

"Greetings!" Aradia shouts back. Terezi just bares her teeth in a predatory smile.

Vriska looks eagerly around as she trudges across the stony highland meadow toward the mouth of the cave. It's dark and narrow, and a cool, damp breeze wafts out irregularly, as if the earth itself is alive and breathing, and they're about to let it swallow them. The stone itself is tawny brown and vaguely gritty, liberally bestrewn with lichen and moss. At first glance the area looks completely wild, no sign of past trollish habitation or alteration whatsoever. But on closer examination, the cave mouth is the same height that's specified for doors on fleet ships and in the drone-built warehouses that host floating markets in not-quite-illegal goods, and there are traces of what might once have been carvings just inside, where they've been somewhat sheltered from sweeps upon sweeps of rain and wind.

Maybe this really was a brooding cavern, once upon a time.

"What's the plan?" she asks.

"Step one is to make sure we don't get lost," Aradia says, pulling a piece of colored chalk and a chisel out of her sylladex. "We'll mark the walls as we go, with chalk and carvings so we can feel the signs even if we run out of power for our flashlights. I'll show you the areas I've already explored. After that, it's up to you! It would be safest to stick together, but when have we cared about that?"

She smiles, wide and contagious.

"Safety is boring," Vriska says, annoyed at herself for wanting to smile back. "I'm here for adventure. And treasure, and secrets, but mostly adventure."

Deep inside the cave, something rattles and moans. Trial beasts? Ghosts? Mutants or outlaws who've decided this place makes a good hideout? There's no way to know without looking!

"I don't think there's any danger of boredom tonight," Terezi says from right behind Vriska's shoulder. Her sword is loose and ready in her right hand, a flashlight in her left. Aradia removes a headlamp from her sylladex and straps it on. (She looks like a doofus, Vriska thinks, and tries not to envy the way it leaves both Aradia's hands free.)

She pulls out her own flashlight and readies her dice. "First to kill a trial beast gets bragging rights for a perigee!" she says, and dashes into the cave eight steps ahead of her companions.

This is going to be awesome.

\---------------------------------------------  
\---------------------------------------------  
\---------------------------------------------

**Three Conversations, II**

"Yes! My radiocarbon analyzer is still here!"

"You have ridiculously low expectations. Just being here means nothing. Are you sure it's not broken? That thing looks like it was a piece of junk to start with, and something's been chewing on it."

"As long as the casing isn't cracked, who cares what it looks like? This is great! I was afraid I'd lost all my data forever when I got ambushed by the hyenadillo pack."

"Hyenadillos? Seriously? Okay, now I know you're lying. You probably just lost your nerve because of rockfall echoes or something."

"Speaking of which, I think I hear something."

"You can believe whatever you want, Vriska. Just stand guard while I finish scanning these bones. Most of them go back nearly a thousand sweeps, but there were a few anomalous readings and I want to sort them out."

"I definitely heard something. Can you two shut up so I can listen?"

"There's nothing to hear, Terezi. It's not like these mythical hyenadillos have been killing and eating anyone who stumbled in here since the place was abandoned, and dumping their kills on top of the older bones. Ha! We're way too far poleward for hyenadillos."

"Actually, no. We're not. Look through the doorway, Vriska."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"I guess you're both going to make me eat my words now, aren't you? Well, I won't. Everybody makes mistakes sometimes. And there really _shouldn't_ be any hyenadillos at this latitude!"

"Tell that to this pack -- they seem to disagree with you."

"Uh, guys? I hate to break it to you, but they're coming from the other direction too. I think we're surrounded. I could try pulling down part of the ceiling to block one of the archways, but I'm not sure--"

"No barriers! Stop dithering! One, two, three, _Team Scourge attack!_ "

"Vriska, wait a min-- oh, never mind. Team Charge, forward!"

"Justice!"

"Ha, take that! And this! And that! Hey, Aradia, I can't believe you ran from these. They're not scary at all, just big fluffy scalebeasts with--"

"Vriska, on your left!"

" _Ohshitgetback!_ "

"Not that left, your _other_ left! You almost hit me instead of the swarm. Aim your dice more carefully next time, or I'll claim forfeit for sloppy teamwork."

"Well _excuse me_ for having a more interesting and creatively variable weapon than a boring old sword! Besides, I took out at least a dozen. You only got three."

"Shhh, you guys. They're gathering again. Let's stand back to back and strike on my mark. Oh, and try not to hit those chests in the corner. I think they might hold records. One, two, _mark!_ "

\---------------

"This must have been a library -- can you imagine all these shelves filled with books?"

"Not really. They're far too convincing as scurrybeast lairs."

"Well, I'm sure they were -- and they were left behind, too, until they rotted -- see the patterns in the dirt? I guess it's too damp down here to preserve leather and paper."

"Heh. If we get trapped, anyone want to bet how long until we start growing mold and mushrooms?"

"Not until long after we resort to cannibalism, so I don't see how it matters."

"Wow, Megido, could you _be_ more morbid?"

"Probably, if I tried. Oh, I _wish_ some kind of record had survived down here, to give us a hint why this place was abandoned. It just doesn't make sense! Most of the traps are still in good shape and the trial beasts are obviously doing fine, so it's not like they couldn't have moved in another mother grub if the old one died."

"It is very strange. Duck!"

"Thanks, Terezi. I hate the little scurrybeasts. They always get tangled in my hair."

"Psssh, my hair's just as long as yours and I never have a problem with scurrybeasts. You just don't wash and comb enough. And hey, I have a theory! Maybe the jadebloods got involved in a conspiracy or a rebellion. Maybe the Empire wanted to make an example out of this place."

"Really, Vriska? I don't think real life is that dramatic. There's no point in an example that nobody's ever heard of."

"There is if the point is to erase an illegal idea so thoroughly that nobody ever thinks it again. But I agree, it sounds unlikely."

"You just don't have the genius to question everything the schoolfeeders shove down your throats. There's lots of history that's been erased from the modules."

"How would you know that unless you've found and read banned books? Duck!"

"Hahaha, now who has scurrybeasts trying to nest in her hair?"

"Oh, shut up. I'm bored with this room. Enough mold and dust -- let's go find someplace worth looting."

"You haven't answered my question. Have you been reading illegal history?"

"You shut up too."

"Duck!"

\---------------

"Wow."

"Yeah."

" _Look_ at those paintings. I can't believe they survived, even if they are half-covered in moss. Oh hey, do you think that's writing around the edges? I think it is! The letters are all funny-shaped, though."

"I recognize them. That's a font from the early spaceflight era, before helmsblock technology was refined enough to handle interstellar voyages. I think it was still used for official documents for a while after the first interstellar conquests, until the subjugglators decided multiple fonts weren't humorous. I've seen it in scans of really old statutes and verdicts. It looks complicated, but you can pick it up pretty fast."

"Yeah, and it's a lot more standardized than some old handwriting styles. But wow. Do you hear the echoes in here? I never realized how _big_ the egg caverns really are. Not just big. Huge!"

"They really are, aren't they?"

"Hey, Aradia, look at all the little bones. Do you think the jadebloods just left the eggs and grubs behind when everyone cleared out? Or were they forced to abandon their charges as part of the punishment for their crimes?"

"Who knows? Maybe all egg caverns look like this, underneath the live eggs. I bet the trial beasts are always trying to sneak in and get an easy meal."

"Oh, eurgh."

"What? Predator, prey, nothing weird about that. Everything dies sooner or later."

"No, I imagined them scuttling all over the _mother grub_ , and maybe falling into the slurry, and I just--"

"Oh, _yuck_. That's disgusting! You have a sick, twisted mind, Vriska Serket. Sick and wrong."

"It's not like I wanted to have that mental image! It just happened."

"That's no excuse for forcing us to share it. Is it, Aradia?"

"Aradia? Hey, where are you going?"

"I want to get a closer look at the paintings! Oooh, they're not just paintings. They're _carved_ , and there's traces of some clear sealant around the grooves. I guess that helped protect the pigment from condensation. So maybe it was always damp down here, even before everyone left."

"You need water for seadweller eggs, I bet."

"That makes sense to me. What do you think, Aradia?"

"Oh, probably. Look, there are caste signs worked into the borders of this picture! Isn't that sign by the top edge Kanaya's? And over here, in the lower left corner -- I think this one is meant to be Sollux's. They're more ornate than I'm used to, but I swear I know them."

"Huh, you're right. Hey, Terezi, isn't this your crazy catgirl friend's sign down on the bottom right?"

"You're right, it is Nepeta's sign. And it's hard to make out through all the squiggles, but _that_ one is Karkat's, right there in the middle next to Feferi's sign. Or the Condesce's sign, I guess, given how old this mural must be."

"What, that shouty loser? You have to be kidding."

"Nope, right there! See? And what really weird is it's exactly his shade of gray. I thought he was hemononymous to annoy people, but maybe it's a tradition in his lineage."

"I wish comprehensible art was also a tradition in his lineage. Can you understand anything that's going on here? I think that might be the two moons in the upper corners, and then there's a... maybe a fire, in the center along the bottom edge? But the rest is just squiggles. I've never seen any artifacts with this art style before."

"I guess it really must be Karkat's sign, because that sounds exactly like one of his rants. Nothing but meaningless gray lines."

"Heheheh!"

"That's not very nice, Vriska."

"So what? It's true! And you're smiling, so I don't see how you have any moral high ground here. If you're so in love with the mural, take a picture and coo over it back at your hive. We have more important things to do than stare at crappy abstract art all night."

"You just want to find the jadebloods' living blocks and hunt for lost jewelry."

"I've only said so about a thousand times already tonight. And what's wrong with that? Treasure is awesome. Come on, let's go!"

\---------------------------------------------  
\---------------------------------------------  
\---------------------------------------------

**In the Hall of the Mountain Queens**

"And this is where I came in, down through the waterfall," Aradia says, pushing lightly on one side of an apparently blank stone slab. It pivots neatly around a central hinge to create two apertures wide enough for a grown troll to walk through. It also raises the ambient noise from a mild throb felt mostly in the soles of Terezi's feet to an echoing, roaring thunder.

Vriska is shouting something at Aradia. Terezi can't hear the words over the sound of falling water, but Vriska isn't holding her dice and Aradia looks unconcerned, so she decides it's probably safe to leave her friends alone for a moment while she investigates.

She strides through the doorway and stops dead. Her flashlight drops, its light puddled uselessly on the uneven stone floor.

A waterfall taller than her beloved home tree pounds down into a seething, roiling pit of black water and alabaster foam. Pink and green moonlight pour down with it, reflected and refracted into shimmering rainbows all along the torrent and into the veil of spray that surrounds it, coats the nearby vaulted roof of the cave, and drips down from jagged stalactite fangs to collect on the moss-streaked floor. Somewhere off in the distance there must be another hole or two to the outside world, because faint light is diffused all through the cave.

"Wow," she says.

"I know, right? I'm glad I found a dry land entrance when I was running from the hyenadillos, but I almost want to try surfing the waterfall again. The rainbows are even better from inside!" Aradia shouts into her ear. "Come on, let's go downstream so we can hear ourselves think."

Terezi follows her over the slippery cave floor, hands outstretched for balance. Once a massive waterbeast leaps into the air and snaps its teeth together in unmistakable threat, but it has no legs nor air bladders for flight and crashes fruitlessly back beneath the surface. Eventually the river turns a corner and the solid weight of stone blocks the worst of the waterfall's rage.

"Wow," Terezi says again, this time less in awe and more in covetous joy. "I think this is an even nicer secret beach retreat than the ones you see in the movies!" The bulk of the river hurtles on by, trapped and funneled by its stone banks, but a fraction of the current has carved a secondary channel and sprawled out to the side in a deep, clear pool, lined by fine, tawny sand. Even the edges of the pool are sandy, miraculously free from moss, lichen, mold, or other slimy growths, and the ingress and egress are too shallow for the really big waterbeasts to swim through. That doesn't mean there aren't lots of _little_ vicious things with teeth, but they tend to be easily scared off by splashing. Speaking of which...

"The water's not very warm," Aradia warns, but she's pulling off her boots as she talks so Terezi figures the disclaimer is mostly for show. She stuffs her own shoes and clothes into her sylladex rather than waste time undressing by hand, and leaps into the air, tucking her body into a compact ball for the most explosive impact.

When she surfaces and wipes water from her eyes, Aradia and Vriska are halfway soaked, stray hanks of hair plastered across their faces as they fix her with disapproving stares.

"Come on in," Terezi says between gasps of breathless laughter. "The water's fine!"

Vriska and Aradia glance at each other.

"Revenge?" Vriska suggests.

"Of course," Aradia agrees.

Terezi has precisely two seconds to savor her glee at forcing her friends to work together without bickering. Then she's too busy trying to hold her own in a three-way water fight to care.

\---------------------------------------------  
\---------------------------------------------  
\---------------------------------------------

**Three Conversations, III**

\-- arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC] \--

AG: Hey Terezi.  
AG: Thanks for passing on the invit8ion.  
AG: I had a lot of fun.  
AG: Not to mention, ancient jade8loods may have had weird taste in art, but they had awesome taste in jewelry!  
AG: We made out like 8andits!   
GC: H3H3H3, Y34H  
GC: WH3N DO YOU TH1NK YOU 4ND 4R4D14 W1LL H4V3 TH3 C4MP41GN PLOTT3D OUT?   
AG: I don't know, we'll have to talk a8out that priv8ly. Clouders' privilege!  
AG: We'll tell you when we tell you. ::::)   
GC: D4MN, 4ND 1 W4S HOP1NG FOR 4 SN34K PR3V13W  
GC: BY WH1CH 1 M34N 4 GU1D3D TOUR OF TH3 G4M3 4R3N4 LONG B3FOR3 TH3 M4TCH  
GC: >;]   
AG: Hahahahahahahaha!  
AG: We're going to 8eat Team Charge so 8ad.  
AG: I'll have to put some extra work into the silly pretend parts so Tavros won't have anything to complain a8out.  
AG: In the meantime, want me to look for some more scum8ags so we remem8er how to play a real game?   
GC: DONT BOTH3R, 1 4LR34DY H4V3 OUR N3XT T4RG3TS P1CK3D OUT 4ND ROP3D 1NTO 4 M4TCH  
GC: N1GHT 4FT3R TOMORROW, GR33N MOONR1S3, 4T TH3 ST4RPORT RU1NS 34ST OF YOUR H1V3   
AG: Sweet.  
AG: See you there.   
GC: NOT 1F 1 S33 YOU F1RST  
GC: >:]   
AG: ::::)

\-- arachnidsGrip [AG] ceased trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC] \--

\---------------

\-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling apocalypseArisen [AA] \--

GC: H3Y 4R4D14!  
GC: 4NY LUCK F1GUR1NG OUT TH4T W31RD MUR4L Y3T?  
GC: OR 4NY OF TH3 OTH3R STUFF W3 FOUND B3FOR3 VR1SK4 D1STR4CT3D US W1TH GL1TT3RY BR4C3L3TS?   
AA: i think y0u mean bef0re y0u distracted us with a water fight   
GC: OBJ3CT1ON, TH3 W1TN3SS 1S 4TT3MPT1NG TO CONFUS3 TH3 C4S3   
AA: is it w0rking   
GC: NO  
GC: >:]  
GC: T3LL M3 4BOUT TH3 P1CTUR3S   
AA: there isnt much t0 tell  
AA: i p0sted them t0 an archae0l0gy f0rum t0 see if any0ne had seen similar art s0mewhere else  
AA: but they werent up f0r even ten minutes bef0re an admin pulled them d0wn and blacklisted my acc0unt f0r sediti0n  
AA: 0_0   
GC: !!!  
GC: 4R3 YOU 1N TROUBL3?   
AA: im 0k  
AA: i was using a sec0ndary acc0unt that s0llux set up with at least tw0 d0zen an0nymizers and firewalls just in case  
AA: but even with all that my spare lapt0p g0t fried   
GC: HUH  
GC: 1T LOOKS L1K3 VR1SK4 W4S R1GHT  
GC: TH3 J4D3BLOODS WHO R4N THOS3 C4V3RNS R34LLY W3R3 1NVOLV3D 1N 4 CONSP1R4CY OR R3B3LL1ON  
GC: W31RD!   
AA: very weird  
AA: theres n0 way f0r us t0 figure 0ut exactly what they were d0ing 0r why its illegal  
AA: but as l0ng as we stay 0ut 0f the egg cavern and away fr0m the paintings we sh0uld be safe using it f0r flarp campaigns   
GC: 1 HOP3 YOUR3 R1GHT  
GC: 1T WOULD B3 4 SH4M3 TO LOS3 4CC3SS TO TH4T S3CR3T B34CH  
GC: BUT 1 TH1NK W3 SHOULD ST4Y 4W4Y FOR 4 COUPL3 P3R1G33S JUST 1N C4S3 TH3 3MP1R3 H4S R3CORDS OF THOS3 MUR4LS 4ND S3NDS CULL1NG DRON3S TO 1NV3ST1G4T3   
AA: 0h  
AA: yeah thats a g00d idea  
AA: well stick cl0se t0 0ur hives f0r a while  
AA: its n0t like we d0nt all have l0ts 0f space t0 w0rk with   
GC: TRU3  
GC: OH W41T!  
GC: YOU SHOULD T3LL TH4T TO VR1SK4, SH3S 4LR34DY ST4RT3D PL4NN1NG OUR H4LF OF TH3 C4V3RN C4MP41GN   
AA: haha im already halfway d0ne with my half t00  
AA: its 0k the plans w0nt g0 stale   
GC: >:]   
AA: 0_0   
GC: ...  
GC: YOU R34LLY N33D B3TT3R 3MOT1CONS   
AA: maybe s0meday  
AA: getting back t0 flarp we played at y0ur hive last time right  
AA: that means i h0st the next match if were n0t using the caverns   
GC: Y34H  
GC: ON3 W33K FROM NOW?   
AA: s0unds like a plan  
AA: ill tell vriska   
GC: COOL

\-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] ceased trolling apocalypseArisen [AA] \--

\---------------

\-- apocalypseArisen [AA] began trolling arachnidsGrip [AG] \--

AA: hey vriska  
AA: small pr0blem  
AA: when i tried t0 investigate th0se weird paintings fr0m the egg cavern 0n a f0rum my acc0unt was bl0cked and listed f0r immediate culling 0n gr0unds 0f sediti0n  
AA: im 0k it was a spare an0nym0us acc0unt and lapt0p that cant be traced back t0 me  
AA: but terezi thinks we sh0uld av0id the caverns f0r a while just in case s0me0ne might be watching them   
AG: Soooooooo not fair! I was just starting to get into the fakey fake story I was putting together for Tavros.  
AG: What a waste.   
AA: its n0t a waste  
AA: well just shelve that campaign f0r a c0uple perigees and get back t0 it later  
AA: until then we can keep playing at each 0thers hives like usual  
AA: ill h0st next since terezi h0sted last time   
AG: It is a waste! I cali8r8 my campaigns very carefully to Tavros's skills. He should always 8e a8le to 8eat them if he tries hard enough instead of a8sconding all the time.  
AG: Therefore none of my campaigns are interchangeable.  
AG: Two perigees from now I should have him a *lot* more advanced than he is now. He might even 8e up to your level.  
AG: :::;)   
AA: 0_0  
AA: i supp0se anything is p0ssible   
AG: Attitudes like that are what's holding him 8ack.   
AA: lets n0t argue ab0ut that  
AA: well meet at my hive next week and see what happens   
AG: Fine. There's no need to argue anyway, since Team Scourge will kick your asses. ::::)   
AA: unless tavr0s defeats y0ur 0bstacles like y0u say he can  
AA: 0r i cl0ud terezi t0 a standstill   
AG: Never happen.   
AA: are y0u sure ab0ut that  
AA: lets find 0ut  
AA: i bet team charge will beat team sc0urge 0r at least h0ld y0u t0 a tie  
AA: y0u bet team sc0urge wins 0utright  
AA: l0ser gives the winner all the l00t she t00k fr0m the caverns yesternight   
AG: You're on. And you're going down.   
AA: thats what y0u think  
AA: ...  
AA: terezis right i need better em0tic0ns   
AG: You really, really do.  
AG: 8ut here, I'll use one for you.  
AG: :::;)  
AG: That's what you wanted, right?   
AA: yeah   
AG: ::::D  
AG: See you in a week, Megido!   
AA: same t0 y0u

\-- apocalypseArisen [AA] ceased trolling arachnidsGrip [AG] \--

\---------------------------------------------  
\---------------------------------------------  
\---------------------------------------------

**She Who Laughs Last**

The room is lined with industrial style shelves, which are in turn lined with glass cases that hold bones and statues, jewelry and fired brick tablets, rubbings and sketches and ivory dice. A reptilian skull with needle fangs and branching horns sits in a place of honor against the far wall, in a larger case with a bit of cheap velvet fabric liner. A pile of intricate gold jewelry, studded with jade, emerald, peridot, and other green gems, is heaped carelessly around the skull to stabilize the display.

A small placard reads: _Modern elk-raptor skull surrounded by ancient jadeblood jewelry from the third century post-interstellar flight. Skull retrieved by Aradia Megido. Jewelry generously donated by Vriska Serket._

Aradia examines the display with a critical eye. Then she nods in satisfaction.

"I knew that skull would be worth it."


End file.
